two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
