True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
