Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
