when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
