it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
