I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
