But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Someone shit on the floor
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
