Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
