forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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