She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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