An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
