I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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