"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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