I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
