I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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