he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
