Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
