the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
