Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
