i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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