i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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