i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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