im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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