WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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