That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is it penis luge time yet?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
