Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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