I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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