our cab driver is having phone sex.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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