We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
