brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
