i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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