I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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