why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
