i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
