Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
