i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
