It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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