I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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