I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So vagazzling was a success
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
