i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
