sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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