Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
