That's intense
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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