I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
