it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
