I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
