is your mom at the bar?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so let's talk penis.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
