i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
