Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
