Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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