I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
