I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
