dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
