So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
