decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I fill condoms, not promises.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
